A Need for Shelter:

Part 1: "Distraction"

by Sahari [email protected]

Based on "Kizuna" by Kazuma Kodaka.

Kyoto again. Kai sighed, reclining on his bed. He was bored out of his mind.

Yesterday he had been in Tokyo, invading Enjouji Kei and Ranmaru's modern but small apartment, escaping his father, his boredom, and especially his Masa.

The infatuation with Ranmaru was dwindling. Kai could admit that now. He regretted it. He never felt so alive as when he was in love, or in pursuit of some unreachable goal. When both combined into a person, he was at his peak. Now he was mentally and physically deflated, with not even the college semester to perk him up. The finals were over the week before and there was three weeks free until the next semester.

He poked at the holes in the knees of his faded jeans, chewing his lip. Get a part-time job, like the one he had at that male "hostess" bar? That had been fun, for a while. But after all, he didn't need money. That was his problem. He lived in Kyoto, city of culture, in the huge traditional house of his father's, surrounded by tatami mats, sliding shoji doors, rock gardens and carp pools, and life was like ashes. Money never did solve his problems. He could buy a new bike, and it didn't really matter. He could go shopping and it didn't matter. He could get a part-time job, and it didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter except the people he loved. Kai didn't love many people, either.

He heard the yakuza underlings whispering outside his door, and rolled his eyes. Discussing him and his moodiness. Well, they should be used to it by now. Then his eyes opened wide in consternation as the familiar deep and uncompromising voice of his Masanori came from the front of the house. The hurried and retreating footsteps appeased him for a while, but he knew that Masa would inevitably come by to check up on him.

Masa.

Kai's father wasn't a loving man, and Kai himself rarely saw him. Kai's mother's death had severed any affection between them, because Sagano had handed over his fussy, grief-stricken son over to his junior boss, Masa. Araki Masanori had been a shelter, an older brother who would comfort him when he was sad, visit him at school when the parents were expected to visit, rescue him when he got himself in trouble.

Kai hardly ever felt inferior to other men, for although he was slight, he was a trained martial artist and street-fighter, and knew he was also good-looking enough to seduce many men, and women, if he chose. But Kai never felt very self-confident with Masa. Yes, he could sulk, maybe make Masa's life hell by making him chase Kai to and from Tokyo, but he never could outright rebel against him, as he had his true father. It wasn't precisely that he out-and-out feared Masa. Masa would never hurt him intentionally. It was more precise to say that Kai loved Masa too much to truly rebel against him.

There was a diffident tap on his bedroom door. Kai took a deep breath, and glanced at the mirror on the opposite wall, making sure his own expression was a wall. He combed at his straight bangs quickly and settled back against the wall behind his futon, crossing his arms behind his head. "Nani?" he asked.

The door slid open; Kai glanced casually over. Masa filled the doorway, in his black pin-striped business suit, his hands in his pockets. Kai swallowed and turned his head, staring at the ceiling.

"Botchan," Masa said. Kai bit down, trying not to snarl. One of the few things he disliked about Masa was the man's insistence on calling his "young master," like some servile twit.

"Ah, Masa," he said. "Good trip?"

Masa knew better than to be diverted. "Are you feeling well, Bon?"

"Fine. Why?"

"The boys say you've been in your room all day."

"Just thinking. Like THEY'D understand that."

The man moved into the room, invading the space. Kai tried not to look at him. Next to this large dark man, he felt small and pale. Masa sat next to his legs on the futon and looked at him so Kai could no longer avoid his gaze.

Masa was taking off his sunglasses that obscured the unexpected kindness of his dark eyes, and the deep scar forever a reminder to Kai of Masa's devotion.

"To tell you the truth, " Kai admitted, "I don't know what to do. I'm off from college, and well, not going to stay at Ranmaru's anymore."

Masa's expression softened into understanding. "I see."

"Neh, Masa."

"Hm?"

"I want to get out of Kyoto; I don't want to go to Tokyo."

The man sighed. "You want to go on a vacation?"

"But dad will never say yes, will he? Not without half the men tailing me."

"Not if you ask for a location away from common danger."

Kai sat up a little, arms falling to his sides. "Like, where?"

"Some place far too boring for a young sprig like you, Bon, " Masa said with a smile. "Like the hot springs or the inner mountain "country" towns."

"No way I'm going to pick benibana or some stupid thing like that."

"No, you're not farmer material, Bon."

"What am I then?" Kai demanded, cross. "Am I only good for picking fights in Tokyo, or being a pain in my father's ass?"

Masa had that concerned look again. "Botchan."

"Ah, quit calling me that! I have a name, you know."

The older man sighed again. "Kai-san, you're not feeling well. You're feeling lonely, and out of place."

"Masa," Kai whispered, amazed at how this man could read him, and wishing . . . wishing that Masa understood EVERYTHING. He leaned forward, his lips just touching Masa's , looking straight into the older man's sable eyes. He'd kissed Masa platonically before, and semi-platonically, so Masa knew better than move away. Only the slight widening of those long narrow eyes showed any reaction. Kai closed his own eyes, and pressed his lips against Masa's lightly, before leaning back. "Arigato, Masa."

"B- Kai-san, let me talk to your father. We can get you out of Kyoto for a little while, let you relax."

"Will you come with me, Masa?"

The man shook his head. "I'm sorry, Kai-san. There's too much business to be done."

"And is it more important than me, Masa?" Kai felt only a little guilty for using Masa's paternal affection against him.

The man shook his head again, this time in surrender. He stood, putting his sunglasses in the breast pocket of his jacket. "I'll see, Bo, I'll see." He strode out, closing the door behind him, leaving Kai fingering his own lips and smiling.

It was a hot springs in Beppu, a luxurious hotel with a series of elegant baths for the rich and opulent to soak away their stress, masseuses to sooth away their muscles. Kai bowed to the necessity of such a place, willing to be pampered, but knowing he'd be bored. Such places catered to the older population.

Three guards were to go with him, and Masa was to drop in for two days at the end of the first week, as soon as affairs were in order. The only reason he could visit for THAT long because the Sagano family had ties in Beppu.

As Kai was packing, Masa stopped by his room. "Make sure to ask for Matsushita Subaru when you get a massage, " he advised him with a smile. "The best masseuse in Beppu, and he knows of you, Botchan."

"How's that?"

"I've been there before, and he knows the family."

"Ah, so da?"

"Be well, Bon."

"I will, Masa. I'll be pampered and sit in the baths all day long. I'll get so used to wearing a hotel yukata-robe, that you won't get me out of it ever again."

The man laughed softly. "Yes, of course."

When he left, Kai watched him with his eyes.

Unlike most travelers to Beppu, Kai and his guards did not take the trains, but drove. Kai thumbed through his manga in the back seat, alternatively staring out the window. It was a long boring drive, and eventually Kai put on his earphones and listed to TM Revolution on his Discman. Towards the end, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

They pulled up in the expansive hotel driveway, got out, waking up Kai when they opened the door for him.

"Sagano-san," they said and he rubbed his eyes, sliding his legs out. Already efficient and smartly dressed bellboys were taking the luggage from the back and loading it on rolling carts. Kai stretched, flexing his lean body back into an arched bow.

"Sagano-san, irrashaimase!" A small portly man in a business suit rushed down the steps from the lobby, bobbing his head.

Kai would rather hear "botchan" all day long than have to hear people call him Sagano. That was what people called his father.

"Ah," he acknowledged. "Doumo."

He eyes his surroundings and had to smile. This was opulence, from the red carpeted steps into the lobby, to the marble stylings of the main building, intricacies of the staff's uniforms. Money definitely had its uses, though Kai in his worn jeans and tight plain T-shirt avoided any signs that he enjoyed money.

The small man was Takashima-san, manager of the hotel, and this manager personally checked him in, summoned bellboys, and wished him a pleasant stay, oozing assurances that Kai could ask for him any time.

"I need a bath," Kai said as he and his entourage got into the elevator. The yakuza laughed.

"Guess we came to the right place, then," they said.

Kai remembered Masa's advice and asked for Matsushita when he went for a massage. He was led into a private room with just his towel for covering, and was amazed when a young man his own age entered moments later, bowing and introducing himself as Matsushita Subaru.

Matsushita, like Kai himself, was a slight young man and beautiful. Unlike Kai, though, the masseuse's beauty was a more traditional aesthetic. His hair was pitch black and grown long and his face oval, with the largest eyes Kai had ever seen on a man, the color of chocolate. He had none of those features that modern films and magazines considered "Western," he was undeniably Japanese, small, trim and gorgeous. Kai thought dryly that Matsushita Subaru would be the perfect bishounen for a historical romance.

"Please call me Kai," he said after Matsushita called him "Sagano-san" twice.

"Ah, so desu? Then call me Subaru." The lithe masseuse smiled.

Masa was right; Subaru had to be the best. Kai just groaned softly as those agile fingers delved into his shoulders and back. After a while, though, Subaru stopped.

"Kai-san," he said softly. "Your shoulders are very bad."

"I know."

"Do you carry your stress in your shoulders?"

"Mm. Hai."

"You haven't relaxed in a long time."

"True."

The masseuse had him turn over and worked a little along the collarbone and neck, frowning in concentration.

Kai, forced to regard to young man, realized that if he wasn't still smarting over his failure with Ranmaru, Subaru would be turning him on in a big way. Kai's lovers were usually a little older than him, and a little stronger, but the attractions of a young man with a hint of adolescence still about him were not unknown to him.

Subaru stood back with a sigh, and said: "I apologize. Perhaps a few days in the baths will loosen you up more."

Kai had to smile at the young man's seriousness. "Am I hopeless, then?"

The twinkle came into those great dark eyes. "Not hopeless."

Kai sat up, and as Subaru began tidying the place up, asked, "How do you know Araki Masanori?"

Subaru glanced up with a smile. "Araki-san used to come here often when the hotel was just starting up; business connections I think. He mentioned you many times."

Kai thought on that. "What, as "bon"?"

Subaru shrugged. "I don't recall. But he said you were my age, and described you as I see you now. He said you were beautiful, but I think he did not do you justice."

Kai laughed. "Ah? I like flattery, Subaru-san."

"Do you?"

Kai remembered that smile as he soaked in the baths, suspending thought in blissful laziness.

The next day, Subaru's fingers delved into his back once more and the young masseuse murmured, "Better, Kai-san."

"Mm." What wonders those fingers could do.

Masa's hands, why did that image come to mind? They weren't like these, but large hands, strong and slow, caressing. Kai's eyes opened in consternation. Shit! It was bad enough, but did he have to start fantasizing?

"What happened?" Subaru asked, hands stilled.

"Uh, nothing."

"You were suddenly very relaxed."

"I was . . . thinking."

"Maybe you should think about it more, then. I almost got to the source before you tensed up again."

Kai sighed. He really didn't want to fantasize again, but he closed his eyes and imagined Masa was touching him. How strange. Masa would be in a hotel yukata, belted low and those large hands would be pressing, rubbing . . .

"That's it," Subaru murmured. Kai groaned as his fingers delved in and began to loosen the muscles. He was half in the fantasy, half aware of the magic skill of Subaru's hands. "Turn over."

Kai's face flamed. "I'd rather not."

"Hm? Is something the matter?" Then the masseuse laughed softly. "Oh, THAT was what you were thinking of. Don't be embarrassed. I deal with that all the time."

Kai reluctantly turned over, trying to imagine non-sexual images to rid himself of his erection. Thankfully Subaru didn't mention it, apparently practiced in dealing with such mishaps. When he was done, Kai felt boneless and half-asleep.

"That was wonderful," he murmured. "Arigato, Subaru-san."

"My duty and pleasure, fine sir," the masseuse replied cheerfully.

"Araki-san is showing up in two days," Kai told him, and watched for a reaction. He had a small suspicion that Subaru might have been one of those rare male lovers of Masa's from the past. But the young man only smiled serenely..

"I am glad he will be able to take the time off," Subaru commented.

"Hm." Kai slid off the table, tying his towel more securely around his waist.

"Kai-san."

"Yes?"

"I hate to be crude, but you really ought to find some way to relax. Your shoulders are a mess, and it'll start affecting your backbone and alignment."

Why would that be crude? Unless the masseuse was suggesting a certain type of CARNAL relaxation? Kai turned and looked at him in amazement.

The young man smiled that same serene smile.

"I wish I could, Subaru-san," Kai managed. "Uh, I mean, heh, I'm kinda between relationships."

"Ah. That's too bad."

"Hm."

"There are women and men about for hire, but you don't seem the type," Subaru said breezily.

Kai hardly knew how to respond to that.

"You being so handsome, I'm sure you've never . . . what am I saying? So sorry, Kai-san. That was a little too forward."

"Not at all." Kai looked up and recognized the expression on Subaru's face. Could it be? He stared back. "Subaru-kun."

The boy blushed, dark eyes soft. "Yes, Kai-san?"

Kai looked at him. Why should he be breaking his heart over Ranmaru and thinking about Masa, with such fine diversion here? "Are you free tonight?"

Araki Masanori picked received the phone from his assistant. "Araki."

"Sir, it's Shimizu."

"Yes. Anything wrong with the bon?"

"Oh, nothing wrong at all. The botchan is relaxing and having a fine time."

"Not bored?"

"Not yet."

"Why the call?"

"Hm, the young master was asking us about you and Subaru-chan. I haven't even spoken the boy's name, I swear."

Damn, thought Masa. "Do you think botchan suspects?"

"How could he? There's no way he could make the connection."

"Then don't panic. I'll be there Saturday, and I'll make sure everything works out."

"Yes sir."

Masanori handed the phone back, staring off into space in consternation.

"Oh God."

"Yes, yes, right there. Deeper! Uhh. Yes!"

"It's been a long time for you, hasn't it?"

"Please don't stop. I haven't felt like this . . . what are you doing?? Oh, yes, yes. I can't stand it!"

Kai's hands, slick with oil, slid along Subaru's tailbone, down then up and pressed into his shoulders. The boy under him was wriggling, distracting Kai. He was getting hard in his jeans just listening to this masseuse react to receiving an oil massage!

"When did this turn into a massage session?" he asked, sliding his hands down again and finally rubbing the boy's cute little ass.

Subaru jumped a little under the new touch, but began groaning as Kai expertly slid oily fingers along his crack and between his cheeks. "When you got the oil and started rubbing it in," he replied breathlessly.

"Hm. Turn over."

Subaru obeyed, eye half shut in pleasure. Their rendezvous was necessarily in Subaru's room, since Kai's was being watched, and it had been about sex from the start. Subaru had known, from the minute he had seen Kai that this was what he wanted. From Araki-san, he had heard all the stories, but seeing the boy in the flesh was like seeing a legend come to life.

Kai was incredibly gorgeous. He was trim, with slender hips, a washboard stomach, and wide shoulders, all hard lean muscle. He didn't necessarily have an angel's face, for his light, cat-oval eyes seem to always be analyzing and assessing, but those along with his straight brown hair falling over his brow and his delicate features made a wonderful combination of debauchery and innocence. An outcast angel, perhaps.

Subaru had only seen him with a towel around his hips, but seeing Kai arrive at his room, wearing faded, ripped and very tight jeans and a barely-there T-shirt that left nothing to the imagination, Subaru had been open-mouthed in admiration. Kai dressed how many would like to dress in Japan, but were afraid to, frightened of being different, or being singled out of the crowd. Kai dressed like a rebel who didn't care what anyone thought of him, as if daring people to admire him.

Subaru very much dared.

Kai was really in his element; he was a physical creature by nature, always wanting to touch and feel. He was never ashamed of what he did with his body, or what that body did with anyone else's. He had advanced on Subaru like some cat on the prowl, backing him up against the wall and stripping him of his belt and robe.

Once he had begun applying oil to Subaru's smooth pale shoulders and back, things began to run their course. He was hard and getting harder, looking at and touching this boy's ethereal beauty, and when Subaru turned over, Kai realized that the black-haired masseuse was enjoying it just as much as he was.

"Well now," he murmured. "What have we here?"

Subaru blushed then gasped when Kai followed his own inclinations, rubbing his thumbs over Subaru's nipples, then leaning down to suck at them.

Subaru writhed, moaning. "Kai," he gasped.

"Hm." No stranger to making love with men, Kai was enjoying this merely on a physical level. Subaru was too lovely, and sensitive. It had been a while that Kai had made love just to make love, with no other motives. He was looking forward to this.

He slid his open and oily palms over the resilient chest, kissed the flat stomach, smiling when his chin bumped against his lover's erection. Subaru's unnatural quiet made him look up, to see the boy's head arched back and biting down on the edge of his hand. Ah, a quiet one once it came to the real pleasure. This was new. Even Ran-chan had abandoned that attitude early on.

Kai took gentle hold of Subaru's hardening sex, rubbing his thumb over the head, spreading the moisture there and letting the oil on his hands mix with it. Subaru arched, head thrashing. Grinning, Kai lowered himself and took the tip of the cock in his mouth, stabbing his tongue in the slit there. With his free arm, he pressed his forearm across Subaru's waist to keep the boy from arching his hips, then he took in his full length, slowly lowering his head and then raising it, tonguing the central vein and around the head.

Subaru's quiet began to break into intermittent moans. Kai backed off, taking his mouth from the firm sex to slide his open lips down the back and up again. Subaru sobbed, his hips fighting to lift against Kai's arm, but Kai refused to let him move. Finally, he felt Subaru's hands on the offending arm and then in his hair.

"Kai," he groaned, beginning to sit up.

Smiling, Kai raised his head to see his lover's expression as he took the desperately hard cock into his mouth, instantly taking it all the way in. Subaru fell back with a cry, coming quickly, hips jerking under Kai's restraint. Kai swallowed the salty seed, barely registering the taste.

Finally the young man was still, panting, and Kai sat up. While he admired the languidly moving Subaru, he inverted his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. He unbuttoned his jeans carefully, biting his lips when he began to push them down. Damn tight jeans, he thought. He should have removed them before he got so hard. When he looked up, Subaru was watching him with an intense expression. When Kai stood up and took off his underwear, Subaru got up on his elbows, and then moved forward on his hands and knees, raising up from his hands as he got close to Kai. Kai let him take his cock in his agile hands, wondering what someone as skilled at the manipulation of flesh would do with this particular part of the anatomy.

Subaru didn't disappoint. He was obviously not as experienced as Kai at this sort of thing, but his instincts and knowledge of the human body made up for it. Holding the base of Kai's hard length in one hand, he used the other to caress his balls, first one and then another.

"Dear God," Kai said through clenched teeth. He began to sweat as Subaru's hands began to slowly pump him, pausing to run his thumb along the central vein. He didn't want to be this excited this early on. Finally, he took hold of Subaru's wrists and forced him to back off. The young man gazed up at him in confusion.

"We'll need this later," he assured Subaru, "and you'll appreciate my restraint."

He brought Subaru up to his level and kissed him. Subaru melted into his hold, opening his mouth and sucking on his tongue.

"By God you are sweet," Kai groaned, nipping down his neck and shoulders and pushing him back to Subaru's futon. "And I want to be inside of you, Subaru-chan; I want it bad."

Kai grabbed up the oil from earlier before they descended onto the futon. Kai maneuvered Subaru's legs about his waist and leaned back on his knees, taking Subaru's soft penis in one hand and sliding the other under to softly test his ass. The residual oil between Subaru's cheeks helped him lubricate his hands again but he used more and he slid a slow finger in Subaru's hole.

Subaru tensed and then relaxed as Kai gently probed him. The cock in Kai's hand began to harden again. Kai inserted two fingers and Subaru groaned.

"You are TIGHT," Kai whispered, then looked at Subaru's face which was contorted in a strange mixture of pain and pleasure. "Suba-chan, have you done this before?"

Subaru shook his head fitfully and Kai mentally cursed to himself.

"Don't worry . . . about me," the young man gasped, "I want you to."

"It'll hurt, you know. It may hurt a lot."

"Don't care."

Kai carefully tried three fingers. Despite his protests to the contrary, Subaru's body tried to evade until Kai pumped his growing erection. Pliable in pleasure, his body accepted Kai's gently thrusting fingers. Kai coordinating his pumping with his thrusting and Subaru began to writhe.

Kai could not wait anymore; forcefully he turned Subaru over onto his hands and knees, took a hold of himself and pressed into Subaru, using his knees to widen Subaru's stance.

Subaru gave out a strangled shout as Kai pushed hard into him to seat himself in Subaru's tightness. Kai grabbed his hips and began to withdraw and thrust as slowly as he could. He had to grit his teeth and shut his eyes to maintain control. Blindly he found Subaru's erection and firmly pumped the member. Subaru gave a keening cry at the double stimulation and just the sound almost made Kai come.

Not yet, he told himself. Subaru was extraordinarily tight and he was savoring ever thrust into that sheath. The little sounds coming from his lover's throat and the body that was becoming accustomed to this new pleasure began to push him over the edge until finally he began to push harder and faster, coming in a bright pulse of unspeakable ecstasy.

He almost collapsed on top of the slighter boy, but had enough foresight to withdraw and slide down on his side on the futon. He slid his arm around Subaru, grasping his erection, and gave him the impetus to find his pleasure, for a second time.

"Amazing," Subaru murmured minutes later when he had caught his breath.

"Mm." Kai's thoughts, instead of being sluggish, were clear and moving in unexpected directions. Subaru had been right; he had needed this badly.

He was adrift, suddenly realizing that although he had needed the physical release, this was not what he wanted, after all. There was no shelter here; there was only distraction.

Masa . . .

Part 2: "Step Forward"

Masa . . .

Kai drew thoughtfully on his cigarette.

Masa . . . Why was he thinking of Masa at a time like this?

Kai glanced at his new lover who lay next to him on the futon. Subaru wasn't quite asleep, merely relaxing from their lovemaking. He was naked and gorgeous.

Shouldn't he be thinking about Ranmaru? After all, he had been in love with Ranmaru, hadn't he?

Damn it, Kai, he told himself. Who the fuck cares if you were in love with him or not? I mean, you THOUGHT your were in love and that's what counts, right? Maybe it wasn't love . . . but it's over.

You just don't know when you've got it good.

Subaru stirred next to him, but the internal dialogue went on.

Yes, Subaru is a wonderful distraction, isn't he, Kai? You don't have to think about Ranmaru, or any other . . .

No, I WILL NOT think about Masa! Masa has no place in this!

Doesn't he?

All right, there was that one night, but that was long ago. Masa's forgotten it.

Has he?

He was high on painkillers, for God's sake. I was in the 10th grade! So he knows how to kiss.

Ah God, does he know how to kiss!

But he wasn't thinking straight, and I was too innocent to know what was going on.

And now that you know what it's like to be in love, to make love, do you think it would be different? What would it be like, now that you know?

It won't happen again. He doesn't want me.

You think so?

He doesn't want ME! Masa can choose anyone . . .

So why did he kiss you that night after he came home from the hospital?

He was on painkillers! Maybe I was being a brat. Maybe he needed to shut me up.

That's a flimsy excuse, Kai. Funny how you keep running away from Masa, but it's Masa you're always thinking about.

"Shit," Kai said aloud, and tapped his cigarette in the makeshift ashtray.

Subaru turned over and opened his eyes.

Yes, Kai, you don't know when you have it good.

"Are you hungry?" the boy asked solicitously. "I'm starved."

"Are you offering?" Kai crushed the little remaining of the cigarette.

"Actually, can we go down to the hotel restaurant? I'm craving sushi and sake."

Kai snickered. "I bet you are. Let's go down to the baths first and then eat."

They pulled on the hotel robes for such a purpose, and headed down to the baths. It was late and no one was about, having gone to sleep long ago. They stripped and stashed their clothes in the cubicles of the men's dressing rooms, then headed into the baths proper, neither of them modest enough to hold their little wash clothes over their privates. The washed together by the faucets, scrubbing each other's backs then went into the larger and traditional soaking pools. These pools were designed to imitate a natural setting, with porous lava rocks and tropical plants to lend to the illusion.

"Oh, that's wonderful," Kai groaned as they sank into the steaming hot water. He lay there, his head resting against the side of the pool, and slid a glance at Subaru.

It was hard to think romantic thoughts in such a traditional setting; cultural training had long since brainwashed him and everyone else in Japan to consider bath pleasures separate from others. You were trained not to look at others in a public bath; one never stared at naked strangers. It was very rude.

"No one's here," Subaru observed, then glanced at him. The expression on his face was a weird mixture of embarrassment and stoicism, as if he were thinking something very naughty and trying to not think it. Kai grinned, taking his hand and pulling him toward the shadowy back of the pools, where the irregular curve of the pool edge turned behind some plants and shrubbery.

"Are you too sore?" he asked.

"A little."

Kai tried not to smile gleefully. It was a good opportunity to teach Subaru a few techniques, and he was going to enjoy instructing him . . . a lot.

An hour later, in their regular clothes, they found the little hotel sushi bar located off from the lobby and sat up at the bar. They ordered sake and the local sushi assortment.

"What time is it?" Kai asked the sushi chef.

"One in the morning, sir," the man said congenially.

"Amazing," Subaru said. "I didn't know it was that late."

"You have to work tomorrow?"

"I have an afternoon shift, so I'll be able to sleep in."

"That's good."

The sushi was fantastic and tasted better than anything Kai had eaten in the last year. Sex had certainly restored his appetite, he conceded.

Then his eyes widened and his spine stiffened, for he was hearing, unmistakably, the sound of Masa's voice! He turned his head quickly, ducking a little to see through the cloth partition that masked the upper half of the doorway to the bar. He could barely see several sets of business-trousered legs walk past. Dark suits. And then Masa's voice.

"Araki Masanori and party."

"Yes sir, just a moment."

Kai hopped off his chair at light speed, got through the doorway and flew at Masanori, shouting, "Masa!"

"Botchan!" the big man said in surprise as Kai hugged him around the neck.

"You're here early! I didn't expect you 'til tomorrow!"

"Ah, well, I thought a late night trip would save time. I was looking forward to a peaceful sleep tonight."

Masa set Kai back and studied his jeans and T-shirt with a half-smile. "Where's your hotel robe?"

"Oh, you missed it earlier. I didn't want to eat at the sushi bar in that!"

"Sushi bar?"

Kai turned, gesturing. "Yeah, over there. Oh, and there's Subaru-kun." As if by magic, Subaru was just ducking under the cloth partition, chopsticks still in his mouth, probably wondering by Kai had left so quickly. When he saw Masa, he straightened, and bowed politely from the doorway.

"Matsushita-kun," Masa murmured, then smiled. Then he turned his attention back to Kai. "Are you two friends?"

"Hm. Yes, you could say that. He's helping me relax." Kai disliked lying but didn't want Masa to know the exact nature of his relationship with Subaru.

"That's good. Where is Shimizu?"

"Oh, I don't know. I gave him and the others the slip a couple of hours ago. I really hate them spying on me!"

Masa rolled his eyes. "Bon . . ."

"Ah, come on, Masa, this is a hot springs resort, for God's sake, not downtown Kyoto!"

The front desk clerk had the paperwork and keys ready, and Masa went over the sign and arrange. Kai rocked back on his heels, and glanced at Subaru, but the boy had gone back into the bar. Sheesh, he's eating all the tako-zushi, Kai thought sourly. Little glutton.

"We're up the suite next to yours, Bon. Will you be down here for a while?"

"Not too long. Subaru needs his sleep; he works tomorrow, and I'm kind of tired. Shall I have room service send up some sake and an assortment? The sushi's really good."

Masa's hand lightly ruffled through Kai's hair. "That would be good, very good."

"You know what? I'll bring it up with me when I finish. I'd be about the same time."

"You know, if that's the case, bring it to the main spring. I want to soak before I go to bed. Just the thought of it makes me feel relaxed."

"I know what you mean. I'll see you in about an hour, then."

"All right."

Masa and his entourage left for their rooms, and Kai went back to the bar and sat down again next to Subaru.

He was right, the boy had eaten all the tako-zushi.

"You little thief," he growled affectionately, and ordered more, along with the assortment for Masa.

Subaru was yawning soon afterward.

"Go to bed, Suba-chan," Kai told him. "You deserve to rest."

Subaru smiled at him. "Do I?"

"Sure. Can I come by tomorrow?"

"Certainly. I need to look at that back of yours again and see if we've managed to loosen those muscles."

Kai was disappointed that Masa was not alone in the spring when he arrived with the sushi and sake, but he wasn't surprised. There was always someone guarding the junior boss of Sagano's yakuza, as there was always someone guarding the boss's son. Masa and two of his men were relaxing in the water.

Kai poured sake for them all, kneeling fully clothed by the edge and handed out the small cups, doing his best impression of a bar host, "Douzo."

Masa chuckled, drank and laid his head back against the side.

Kai though he looked even bigger without his clothes, if possible, and wished he could see down into the water, except that wouldn't have done any good. Like most men of Masa's generation, the man had placed his wash cloth over his privates. The dragon tattoo of the Sagano yakuza was very bright against his fair skin, blue, green and red. The head of the dragon stared at him from Masa's left shoulder.

"The sushi is the best."

"I know you and tako-zushi, Bon. Are you going to steal ours?"

"Naw. I ate earlier, quite a bit." He patted his flat stomach under his tight jeans. "I'm stuffed, even though Subaru-kun ate all of them when I was talking to you and I had to order more. I ate a whole order by myself."

"You are a brat," Masa said, amused.

"Yeah, and what's your point?"

"Aren't you getting in, young master?" one of the guards asked.

"I was here with Subaru-kun earlier before we went to eat." He sighed. His Japanese soul couldn't get enough of the relaxing hot water. "Yes, I think I will!"

He jumped up and went back to the changing room, coming back with only his little towel and nothing else. Avoiding Masa's eyes, he slipped into the pool beside him and sighed.

"Can I live here, Masa?" he asked.

The older man laughed softly. Kai reached back for the sake and it's shallow tub-like tray, taking it and floating it on the water.

Masa shook his head. "I remember when you were too young for sake."

"Hn. You remember when I was too young for EVERYTHING, Masa."

"It's depressing," Masa said, feeling old next to the young and trim man.

"It sure is," Kai agreed, thinking that Masa only saw him as a child.

They all relaxed in the water, until the two guards excused themselves.

"Wimps," Kai accused. Some people just couldn't take the heat. He glanced at Masa, but the older man's eyes were closed and his head was tilted back, resting on the pool's edge, his arms outstretched on the edge as well.

He allowed himself to study Masa, the corded muscles of his neck, the sexy expanse of his muscular chest, the powerful arms and large hands. He compared Masa to Subaru, and shook his head. Never were two men so different in physique but so alike in coloring. He realized with a start that Masa and Subaru's eyes were the same dark color, and so was their hair. In Japan, many had similar coloring, but the subtleties of shades in the skin, hair and eyes always served for a Japanese person to distinguish others. Ranmaru, for example, had light brown hair naturally, and hazel eyes. Kai's half-brother, Kei, had the black-black shiny hair of his mother and narrow black eyes. Both Masa and Subaru had eyes the color of the darkest chocolate, like sable, and blue-black hair.

"Kai?"

He came to himself with a start and looked at Masa in consternation, realizing that he had been caught staring.

"Ah, suman," he said. The man was looking at him very strangely. "I was just thinking . . ."

"Ah."

"You and Subaru have the same coloring."

There was a silence and Kai looked at Masa but Masa's face was absolutely expressionless. "Ah," Masa said again.

"I just thought that, you know, . . . I don't know why."

Masa reached for the sake bottle and poured some for Kai and then for himself. "There's probably a reason for that."

Kai blinked. "There is?"

"Hah. Subaru's my sister's son."

Kai just sat there stunned. "He's your . . . nephew?"

"Hah."

"But, you don't have a sister."

"I did. She died when Subaru was born."

Kai took his sake cup and tossed back the cooling sake. He had just had sex with Masa's nephew. Oh God, it was like a bad drama.

"Kai?"

Kai was having problems adjusting to this information. "Nephew."

"Yes."

"Does he know?"

"No. When my sister died, I was in your father's service. I don't want Subaru involved with the business, and I didn't want anyone to know he was a close relative, for his own safety. I've tried to help as best I can, through his father's family."

Kai didn't know why but he was not feeling too well now. Probably the sake and the heat. "Ah, Masa. I . . . I think I'll get out now. I'll see you in the morning, neh?"

"Kai . . . "

He didn't look back and was relieved when Masa didn't follow. On the way back to his room, he wondered why the sudden knowledge upset him. And it was upsetting. His stomach felt queasy.

Shimizu was waiting for him back at the room and made sure everything was fine before saying goodnight.

When he awoke late the next morning, he could hear voices in the suite room outside of his own -- Shimizu and Masa. The night before came back again, and he buried his face in his pillow. He had sex with Masa's nephew. Masa's nephew. What were the odds of that? And why did the knowledge make Kai nauseous?

There was a tap on the door.

"Hai?"

The door slid open and Shimizu entered, carrying a tray. "Breakfast, young master."

"Hm." He rubbed his eyes. It was traditional fare, rice, miso soup, a single fish and roasted seaweed. "Arigato."

"Dou itashimashite," Shimizu whined, in a good imitation of a servile old man. Kai laughed.

"Is Masa around?"

"Just outside. Would you like to speak to him?"

"Yes."

The man left and Masa came in shortly after, wearing the hotel robe.

"Ohayo."

"Ohayo." Kai eyes Masa. "You look too good in that. You make me look like a girl in mine."

"Ah, but a PRETTY girl, Bon."

Kai glared good-naturedly at him and drank his soup.

"You look a lot like your mother."

Kai nodded. "You've told me that before."

"What did you have planned for today?"

"I was going to visit Subaru-kun and have him work on my back, but nothing else. I was hoping we could do something together."

"That would be fine. There's a natural hot spring up the side of the mountain, but are you up for hiking?"

"Sure, especially if a spring is waiting for us. That's reward enough."

"Local legend says it has restorative powers, and there's a sacred waterfall and shrine nearby."

"Sounds great. I'll finish this, soak and have Subaru-kun do my back, and then we can be on our way."

"Kai."

"Hm?"

"About Subaru . . . "

"What about him?"

"I'm sorry to not have ever told you, and keeping him a secret. It was necessary."

"I know, Masa, it was just . . . sudden. And I was . . . making fiends with him."

"I'm glad of it."

Kai nodded, concentrating on his meal.

"Much better," Subaru commented as he delved into Kai's back. "You are relaxing more and more, except you keep tensing up when I get low on the spine."

"Suman."

"Don't apologize."

"Masa and I are going hiking up to the hot spring."

"Ah? What a good idea. I hope you have fun. It's a beautiful place, and thought sacred."

"Hm. Suba-chan?"

"Yes?"

"About yesterday."

Subaru's hands stilled, then resumed. "Do you regret last night?"

Did he? Not really. He just regretted that Subaru was Masa's nephew, though he still couldn't lay a finger on WHY he regretted that relationship.

"No, I don't regret it."

"I'm glad. What's the problem, then?"

"I'm kind of . . . interested . . . in someone." He figured that it was true enough. He was very interested in Masa's never finding out about his night with Subaru.

"Ah." The masseuse didn't sound particularly traumatized. "Don't worry about my feelings, Kai-san, I didn't expect a marriage proposal or something."

Kai laughed weakly. "Oh, that's good."

"Is it Araki-san?"

Kai's eyes widened and he didn't answer. He couldn't answer.

"Ah, I thought so."

"How . . . how do you figure . . ?" It amazed Kai that Subaru could read something into his and Masa's relationship so close to the truth, and yet so far from the truth at the same time.

"You're really very different with him, completely relaxed and yourself. I don't even think you were like that with me last night."

"Oh."

"I think it wonderful."

I wish HE did, something inside Kai sulked.

"He thinks I'm a kid."

"I'm sure he doesn't, not in the way you mean. He cares for you very deeply. Now that you've grown up, I'm sure you can . . . alter his point of view."

Kai very much doubted that, but he had to admit that Subaru made it seem very sane, very normal. He turned his head to look at Subaru. "I'm glad I met you. You're a great person, you know."

"I know." Subaru gave him a pert look, which made him laugh.

They hiked up the mountain path alone together. It had been a long time since Kai had seen Masa in casual clothes, much less a T-shirt and jeans, and couldn't help but admire the view from behind.

When Kai took the lead after a short rest, Masa began to regret coming on the hike alone with Kai. It was easier to keep his thoughts in line when others were there to remind him, but with nature beckoning, and the gorgeous brat looking fit and lean in those jeans, Masa was having second thoughts.

Araki Masanori had done many things in his life that he regretted. He'd maimed, killed, extorted in the name of loyalty. He had lied, cheated, in all committed almost every sin in the book at one time or another. But there was one sin he refused to commit. He would never let Kai know how much he wanted him. He would not seduce Sagano Kai, a boy almost eighteen years his junior, the son of his boss and the one boy in the whole world that Masa truly loved.

It didn't help that Kai was everything a Masa would want in a male lover, attractiveness and spirit so neatly packaged. It didn't help that Masa had had a taste of a pure and innocent seventeen-year-old Kai. It did help that he felt a deep sense of guilt for that night and the day when Kai had been kidnapped and raped by one of Masa's own past lovers. It helped that he was the young master; that fact in itself had kept Masa from Kai for at least four years, and would hopefully keep Masa from revealing his feelings until the day he died.

"Neh, Masa," Kai was saying. "What should we do tomorrow? You're staying through Sunday, aren't you?"

"That was the plan, unless your father needs me."

"Huh. I guess you'll stay at the baths." Like all the other old men, the tone implied.

"Maybe. I don't know. There's plenty of time to plan."

"That's what you always say. There's always time; there's always time. I don't know, Masa, sometimes you have to live like the day's your last."

Masa smiled wryly. Kai lived his whole life that way, not just "sometimes."

They rounded a bend in the trail and suddenly they were facing a gray Shinto gate, the trail passing under. They passed under and climbed the ancient steps beyond. It was a five minute climb and even Kai was started to breathe hard when the stairs leveled out, and they found themselves confronting a small shrine and the unmistakable plume of steam through the trees to the left.

"No one's here," Kai observed. It looked like a priest hadn't been in residence for years, though apparently someone was doing basic maintenance.

They rang the shrine bell and clapped, observing the moment's of silence out of respect for the kami, then turned and walked to the hot spring.

Someone long ago had created an aqueduct to divert the hot spring's water to a stone bathing pool, and someone recently had kept the stones clean of growth.

"Very nice," Kai commented, swinging his pack to the ground. "Ofuro suru! Bath time!"

Masa laughed as Kai began to unlace his shoes hurriedly. He placed his pack next to Kai's and followed suit. The boy definitely wanted to get into the hot water.

Kai wasn't paying too much attention to Masa. He pulled off his T-shirt, then wiggled out of his jeans, remembering to get his towel out of the pack at the last minute. He climbed the few stone steps, then dipped a toe in the water.

"Atsui!" he said happily and slowly lowered himself into the steaming water. "Ah, wonderful pain." He closed his eyes, then opened one. "Masa, what's taking you so long?"

Both of his eyes came wide open. Masa's under arm gun holster and gun had delayed him and he was just getting to the jeans, but he was looking directly at Kai. His expression was very strange and Kai didn't know what to make of it. And just looking at those wide shoulders made his mouth go dry. Masa was a big man, in the best sense of the word.

He reminded himself that it was rude to stare, but didn't quite stop, just averted his face a little as the rest of the clothing came away.

"Did the tattoo hurt when you got it?" he asked.

"Agony," Masa said as he ascended the stairs, towel in front, and carefully lowered himself into the pool, opposite Kai.

Kai frowned. It was hard to imagine Masa in agony. Even when that punk had slashed Masa across the brow with a katana, Masa hadn't made a sound.

"Should I get one?" he asked playfully.

"NO!"

Kai jumped and stared at his guardian. Masa glanced away, obviously regretting his response already.

"That is, of course, your decision," the man said.

Masa vibrated with rage at the idea of Kai marring himself with the yakuza tattoo. Dear God, don't defile that pure skin with something so powerful, Kai! he wanted to shout. But that wasn't his place and he had no right to say it. He had no right to be so attracted to Kai's beauty in the first place, to stand there staring as Kai had gotten into the pool. If Kai hadn't turned away, Masa didn't know what he would have done, because he was very obviously hard just by the sight of that young body.

He was regretting coming to this place alone with Kai, for the hundredth time.

Kai's face was thoughtful again, and Masa inwardly cringed. Kai was his most dangerous when he stopped to think.

"Neh, Masa. Can I ask you something?"

"Ha."

"You know, when we were talking in Tokyo that one time, talking about love -- and you said that sometimes love was just watching over someone . . ."

"H-Hai." Masa had forgotten that conversation.

"How can that make anyone happy? I mean, if I truly loved someone, I'd want more."

That's the crux of it, thought Masa. That's the heartbreak. "Fate doesn't always give us what we want."

"Yeah. I thought I loved Ranmaru, but now that I think of it, I wonder. Was I just avoiding love by wanting what I couldn't have?"

Truly dangerous.

"I don't love easily, you know. There's been mother, and you and Ranmaru. You're the only one . . . " Kai trailed off, looking intently at Masa. "the only one who's stayed by me."

"Ah." Masa once again wished they weren't alone here.

` Kai had trailed off again, and was looking at the water. He was thinking that he had avoided these thoughts all along, because once he began to think them, they led to others, and others. "Have you ever . . . loved someone and known that you could never be with them?"

The easy lie wasn't so easy when facing Kai's earnest gaze. "Yes."

Kai's hazel eyes widened. "Oh. How do you . . . survive it?"

Masa's voice reverberated with pain. "You don't."

Kai hadn't expected that reply. For some reason it made his chest ache.

"You just do the best you can with what Fate deals you. That's all any of us can do."

"But don't you wish you could change Fate?"

"Every day. But you can't."

Kai took a deep breath. "You can defy it."

His guardian studied him. "Yes, Kai, YOU would." The tone was indulgent but sad.

"Yes, yes I would!" Kai's eyes were flaring, and he felt his heart was freeing itself from some longtime constriction. "Who's going to tell me who I love? No one can control my feelings but me!"

"Ah, Kai . . . "

Kai was standing up, hot and steaming water sheeting from his body. "I DO defy it! I may be stuck with the family name, but I control what I feel!"

Masa was having a hard time focusing on Kai's words with the slim and NAKED physique before his eyes. He tried to look elsewhere.

Then he tried again.

Kai was registering that Masa was absolutely silent with a strange expression on his face, half-embarrassed and half-stoic. He realized why when he looked down at himself, realizing he was standing unashamed and naked in front of the older man.

He was about to sit down, when déjà vu struck him. He knew that expression! In fact, he could remember it clearly, on Subaru's face, in the baths. It was that exact same combination of expressions as if he were thinking of sex and trying not to show it.

He stared at Masa, hard. Was that possible? Did Masa . . .?

The older man's dark sable eyes met his directly, making Kai's heart jump. My God, Masa wanted --? Eyes wide, Kai stood there, his heart denying what his mind was interpreting. But after the first moment, it was unmistakable. Masa wanted HIM.

"Kai," Masa's voice was a warning rumble. "We can't all defy Fate." But those dark eyes were staring straight into his, and they seemed to be saying something completely different.

"Well, I do," he said around the sudden tightness in his throat. "I do defy it," he repeated softly, and stepped toward Masa.

Part 3: "Intimacy"

Masa watched Kai wade towards him through the steaming water of the hot spring, with several instincts warring with each other. He could get out very quickly. He could tell Kai to stop. He could stand up and move away.

Masa did none of these things. He sat still, trying to gauge Kai's seriousness. It looked bad. Kai looked very serious.

Kai did not stop until he was leaning above Masa.

"Kai," was all Masa managed before the young man's arms slid over his shoulders and Kai was kissing him.

Kai never knew what he intended, except that he wanted to see if Masa really wanted him. He would never have predicted his own reactions, or Masa's. The physical impact of being close to Masa, his flesh under his hands, and the warmth of his mouth, the heat and steam of the water between and around them was impetus enough to catapult Kai straight into seduction.

Masa tried to set Kai back. He did try, but his arms only got halfway raised. In the shock of the moment, Masa had no will to truly deny Kai, or to hurt him.

"Kai," he pleaded against that skillful mouth. Kai wedged himself between Masa's knees and tightened his hold. His tongue slid along Masa's lower lip then slipped inside.

They both groaned as the kiss sunk to a deeper level of intimacy. Masa's arms closed reflexively around Kai's back.

Masa wasn't resisting but neither was he kissing back. Kai desperately wanted that endless kissing he remembered, the kissing that had taken all thought from him and had put him in a place where he had let go of everything except Masa's strength, Masa's control.

"Kai . . . stop."

He refused to listen. Stop? He had barely begun! His hands slid over wet shoulders, hard muscles.

"Kai, stop." He registered resistance and couldn't believe it. Masa resisting him?

Then suddenly Masa was standing up, dislodging him. Large hands grasped his shoulders and pushed him back. Kai stared up in disbelief.

"Masa -- what . . . "

"No more, Kai."

Kai didn't know if it was wounded ego or frustrated disbelief, but he could feel tears well up his own eyes. Or was it that, now that he understood what he truly wanted, he found himself opposed?

"You're not thinking straight," Masa said in a husky voice, a low rumble.

"What - what are you talking about? This is what I want, what you want too!"

"Kai, you don't want to start something, to go beyond this."

"Tell me you don't want me! I love you, Masa! Don't do this!"

The older man's eyes widened but he said nothing. Sensing an opening, Kai tried to push forward in an attempt to get back to that level of intimacy, but Masa was much stronger and kept him at arm's length.

"Masa!" Kai cried in frustration.

"Don't start this. Once started it can't be stopped."

Something in Masa's tone cooled Kai's emotions a little. His mind began to try to assess what his guardian was saying.

"What are you talking about?"

"What would happen if your father found out about us? Think about it, Kai. If he didn't kill me, he'd send me away . . . forever."

Kai stared at Masa in horror. The tears that had welled up in his eyes spilled down his cheeks. There was nothing more terrible than the idea of being without Masa.

"Don't you see, Kai?"

"Masa . . . I see." He wiped at his cheeks. He hardly ever cried, and hadn't for years. But now the tears were spilling, beyond his ability to stop them. "I'm sorry. You're right, of course." But why did it feel like his heart was being wrenched out of his chest? Each breath seemed to increase the ache there until he was consciously suppressing sobs.

Alarmed at Kai's growing distress, Masa at first only watched, concerned yet leery of getting closer, but as the tears and the shakings increased, he pulled Kai close and held him against his chest, stroking his hair soothingly.

Kai was shuddering almost uncontrollably. Masa sat down, taking Kai with him into the hot water and onto his lap, hoping that the heat would loosen his muscles and calm him. He couldn't remember when Kai had needed comforting like this -- it was a long time ago; Kai had grown up early.

Kai's arms slipped around his waist, and held tightly. His breathing quieted, and his shaking eased.

"I love you, Masa," he murmured. "I don't want to lose you."

"I know. I feel the same."

"But I feel . . . " Kai struggled for the right words. "I feel empty, because we can't . . . and I want to, I want to really badly. You don't know --"

"I DO know. I told you. I know what it is like to love someone and not be with them."

Kai blinked, still pressed against Masa's chest. So he HAD been talking about Kai.

"It's like I've woken up from a dream. I was distracting myself with other people for so long, and now I think I was doing it to avoid thinking about you."

Masa's arms tightened around him, but he said nothing.

"Masa --" Kai whispered. "Do you think we could --- at least this once?"

Masa stiffened. Kai waited but there was no response. He sniffled, disappointed.

"I guess that's "no,"" he said after a moment.

"You are an absolute brat," Masa said. "No sense of boundaries . . ."

"Yeah, and what's your point?" Kai rejoined, lifting his head up to look into Masa's face.

He stared. Masa's eyes were the darkest he had ever seen them, and intense.

"My point is," Masa answered slowly, "that you don't know when to stop, when it's something you want."

"And --?"

"And . . . " Masa's arms shifted, lifting Kai and setting him astride Masa's legs, where Masa's unmistakable arousal was hard and getting harder. "That was not a "no"; that was a "I'm thinking about it.""

Kai's eyes widened at the feel of Masa's length against his stomach and the large hands that were moving down his back, stroking. Masa's eyes held his, and then he began to smile. It was a smile so full of sensual promise that Kai thought he would faint from sheer relief.

"Kai -- promise me." Masa drew Kai to him, his mouth close enough to touch.

"Hm?"

"Today is the only time. You won't ask again."

Kai's heart was beating hard, his whole body sensitized by the promise of fulfillment so close.

"All right. I promise."

Masa knew better than to accept that evasive answer. He kissed Kai slowly, sliding his tongue into his mouth, pressing the young man closer. Kai whimpered.

"You really promise me or we don't do anything, Kai."

Kai strained against him, mind fogged with sudden need, his body already aching.

"Just this once, and you'll never ask again. Say it."

Kai tried to kiss him but Masa's grip was suddenly keeping him from it. "Say it."

"Masa!" he sobbed. He had never felt so excited in his entire life, so out of control. All he could think of was getting closer to Masa, but the older man was stronger and much more determined.

"Say it."

"Just this once," Kai gasped, then swallowed. "And I'll never ask again."

"Very good." Masa loosed his hands. Unexpectedly, he stood up, taking Kai with him. "We're going to get our clothes and packs and find a place in the woods, Kai."

Kai couldn't get out of the hot spring fast enough. The heat from the water stayed with him, so he merely picked up his things and headed towards the nearest grove of maple trees, Masa following.

A blanket was in Masa's backpack, originally meant for a picnic. As soon as they found a pleasant flat space, Masa unfolded it and laid it down.

When everything was in its place, Kai looked at Masa, and kept looking. Masa was very . . . big. Kai shivered. He had never voluntarily taken the passive role before, but he instinctively knew he wanted Masa in control . . . no, he ached for it.

And for the first time he was unsure.

"Kai." Masa held out his hand.

Kai went to him. Taking his hand with his own, Masa gently cupped Kai's chin with the other and looked straight into his eyes. "We'll do this right; we'll take this slow."

Kai nodded. He hoped he could take his time. He'd never had problems with control before, but he knew his frantic need was still there below the surface.

They sat down on the blanket together and Masa kissed him, beginning very gently and slowly. Kai moaned. Oh God, it hadn't been his imagination! Masa was one hell of a kisser, and if he made love with the same intensity, Kai would be going out of his mind.

Masa lowered him onto the blanket, moving his mouth to Kai's throat, shoulders and then his nipples, lavishing them with tongue and teeth.

He arched, groaning, and hooked his legs around Masa's waist. Masa's weight shifted, the larger man trying not to crush the smaller.

"Ah, God," Kai swore, grasping at Masa's head and shoulders. Masa was eating him alive, his mouth boldly tasting in great sweeps. Every touch reverberated throughout his body, pooling in his cock, the one place Masa was avoiding.

"Masa, please!"

"Slowly, Kai. Leave it to me."

Kai ignored him, arching to press his length against Masa, to get some pressure against the organ that was driving him crazy. In response, Masa backed away and with expert motions, turned Kai over on his stomach, immediately covering him with his own body to keep Kai from trying to get up. "Brat," Masa whispered into his ear as he nibbled there, and then at the nape, heading down again.

Kai cursed. He couldn't ever touch himself in this position, all he could do was push his hips against the blanket for friction, but Masa wasn't allowing enough movement for that to give him any relief. "Baka-yarou, get off of me!" he yelled.

"Too late," Masa replied calmly. "Now shut up."

"You ass!" Just then, Masa's weight shifted a little to the side and a large hand moved down and cupped the aforementioned part and Kai's mouth shut with a snap, eyes widening.

Masa thoroughly caressed one cheek, a sound of gratification coming from deep in his throat before moving to the other. Kai had never been touched quite in that way before and lay there, breathing heavily, focusing on those strong hands and what they were doing.

"Kai?" Masa whispered. "Is this all right?"

Masa was worried about him. "It's all right. It's just . . . new."

"Ah so?" The strong hands spread and moved up his spine.

"That means I like it, you baka! Go back down there!"

"In a moment."

Kai fumed. What did Masa think he was, some virgin? Masa was treating him as if he didn't know at thing about sex, like he was fragile or something.

"Masa, you know I've had sex a lot, right?"

"I know." Was that anger in Masa's voice? Kai tried to turn his head to see, but couldn't maneuver to see from his position.

"Then why are you acting like I don't know what I want?"

"Because you don't."

"You ass! What do you think I've been doing all these years?"

"Playing around. Now shut up."

"No!"

Then Masa shifted back and spanked him, one hit, pretty hard. Kai yelped. "Hey!"

"Shut up."

Kai fumed some more but paid attention to Masa running his hands up and down his back, then finally back to his buttocks, which were stinging, and a lot more sensitive.

"I know you're not a virgin, Kai," Masa said, "but that doesn't mean something can't be new for you." His hands cupped and parted Kai's cheeks gently, thumbs running gently along the cleft.

Kai jerked once in surprise, not because he didn't expect it, but because he didn't expect to feel pleasure in such a simple act, or apprehension. He'd been in a constant state of arousal now since the hot spring, but that one firm touch took it even further, taking the maddening ache to acute discomfort.

Masa shifted again, this time moving Kai's legs apart, and moving between them. He heard Masa open up one of their backpacks, and rummage. He turned his head. Masa was taking a bottle out. Lotion? One of those complimentary bottles you get in your room.

"Why'd you bring that?" Kai asked.

"I didn't. Remember: the hotel packed most of these things. The towels, the food and there's a toiletries kit, with lotion of course."

Kai chuckled. "Of course. How convenient."

Masa spread some lotion along Kai's smarting bottom first, gently massaging it in. Kai wiggled, unable to stop himself. Masa was no longer pressing him down and he had some freedom of movement, though he wasn't going to delude himself that Masa would allow him much more than a few shifts of position.

"Stop that."

"I can't help it!"

"Yes you can. Stop being in such a hurry."

"I can't help it! I'm gonna come any minute now, Masa! Of course I'm in a hurry!"

"Really? Let's take care of that, then."

Kai only had a second to absorb that and wonder at what that meant before Masa hooked at arm under his waist, bring him up on his hands and knees. The other hands grasped his cock.

Kai gave a little shout, then groaned. Masa pressed against him, his length hard under Kai's ass, and the arm pulled Kai back so that he was kneeling. "Better?" Masa breathed in his ear, his thumb teasing the end of Kai's flesh. Kai pressed back, arching back against Masa.

"Yes," he whispered. "Harder."

"Like this?" Masa tightened his hold just slightly. His hand, still slippery from lotion, moved back and forth slowly.

"Ah yessss . . . " Kai's lean body strained against Masa's hold, trying to both press back against him, and press forward into his grip.

Masa nibbled at his ear, and continued to pump him slowly with a grip that had Kai gasping.

"Faster, Masa!"

"Always in such a hurry, " Masa teased, his tongue exploring the curve of Kai's ear. "I'm such an old man; I like to wait a little longer."

"Masa!!" Kai reached down and grabbed at Masa's wrist.

"Hai hai," Masa acquiesced. He concentrated on his rhythm, pumping Kai harder and faster. Kai strained against him, the motion of his hips thrusting against Masa's hand also pushing back against Masa's hard length and thighs.

"Aaahhhh!!!" Kai jerked violently as he came, sagging back against Masa as his lover continued to hold him and caress him until he was spent.

Masa gently lowered him back on his stomach on the blanket but Kai was so dazed that he barely knew what was going on. He felt boneless and exhausted, his mind drifting pleasantly. Finally he said in an awed voice: "Masa, you are a man of many talents."

"Hmm." A lotioned hand caressed his ass and slid down his crack. Kai barely twitched, even when Masa began to probe him carefully.

He began to become more aware and awake when two fingers found their way into him, though the lotion really kept it from being uncomfortable. The thrust of the fingers made him squirm until Masa found what he was searching for, and Kai stiffened, feeling for the first time the internal pleasure as the fingers pressed against the sensitive spot in the prostrate. "Oh." Masa continued to thrust against that spot and Kai began to groan, becoming aroused again.

When Masa withdrew his fingers, Kai sighed in frustration until he realized that Masa was not stopping there, couldn't stop there. Masa might be older, more experienced and calmer but there was no way he was going to hold out THAT long. He had been hard just as long as Kai, but he was pacing himself better.

Another liberal application of the lotion and the fingers were back, stretching him gently.

"Masa," Kai whispered.

"Yes?" Masa sounded preoccupied.

"You know, I've never . . . er, WILLINGLY done it this way before."

The fingers stilled then took up their occupation again with the same relentless patience. "Only that once?"

"Yeah." It had been rape, and they never talked about it. Masa had not been able to get to him in time to save him from being repeatedly sodomized. It had traumatized him enough that Kai had never felt comfortable allowing himself to be "fucked" since.

"Do you want me to stop?" Masa asked.

Kai hesitated. "No, don't stop."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." At least, he was pretty sure. "Don't worry, I know it will hurt."

"Get up on your knees." Masa held him at the hips so Kai could position himself. Masa spread his knees wide, pressed a firm hand in the lower center of his back. "How does that feel?"

"Fine." Kai rested his cheek on his arms.

The lotion came out again, but this time Masa applied it to himself; Kai couldn't see from his position but remembered his impressive size. THAT slamming into him? He was both appalled and titillated at the same time. Then he felt the tip being guided between the cheeks of his ass and Masa pushing into him with agonizing slowness, his hands clenching Kai's hips.

Kai bit his lip. It hurt, but he could stand it. He'd felt pain worse than this. He could endure this for Masa.

"Relax," Masa murmured. "I promise you, it will feel better if you don't tense up."

"I'm . . . trying."

Masa slowly filled him until he had embedded himself completely, and then he stopped. "Touch yourself." His voice was strained.

Kai took himself in hand, groaning. The hot hard length in him was starting to feel, if not good, very arousing. It was a strange feeling, being filled, and he thought he liked it.

Masa began to pull back, then he impaled Kai again, not quite so slowly but just as carefully.

Kai hissed. It still hurt but there was a flash of pleasure as Masa pressed the pleasure center inside.

Masa groaned as he pulled back and thrust again. Kai was tight, despite the lubrication, and he was losing what little control he had left to the feel of Kai's internal grip. He rocked his hips and began to establish a rhythm of little pulses. Kai was relaxing and jerking as the pleasure was hitting him. He began to push back to meet Masa's small thrusts, unconsciously whimpering for more. And that was all Masa needed; his control slipped, and hunger took over.

Kai was lost. He knew he ought to be doing something besides lay there under Masa, but he didn't know what. When Masa began to drive into him hard, he began mewling helplessly. He had no awareness of time or space, and if asked his name, he probably would not have known that either. He had given up on pleasuring himself -- his hands were shaking and seemed nerveless and weren't doing him any good, except to claw desperately at the blanket underneath him. The enormity of this mixture of pleasure and pain seemed to enclose him, cutting him off from anything else.

"Please . . . Masa . . .!" he cried.

Then Masa pulled out.

Kai gave a guttural cry of frustration. Masa turned him over, spread him and slammed into him, renewing the pace. Masa's eyes seemed to glow with a dark fire, although his face had a shuttered, inward look to it. He was concentrating hard and trying to remain in some semblance of control.

Kai had had enough. In the new position he was able to twine his legs about Masa's waist and caress the hard chest and arms that were braced by his head. His own erection bobbed between them, untouched. Finally he took himself in hand and began to push his hand back and forth.

He wanted both of them to finish but Masa was levered himself up too far for Kai to hold onto him or to rub against him bodily, and in his angry disappointment, Kai decided was has going to make himself come and make Masa watch him the entire time.

"Oh, yes," Kai cooed. He arched, working his own flesh, closing his eyes to feel it the more. "Umm." He licked and bit down on his lower lip.

Masa shifted, driving into him harder and faster. Kai smiled, eyes still closed, and worked himself harder as well. They were both were nearing the precipice of orgasm, when Masa grabbed him behind the knees, pushing his legs higher. He rammed into Kai short and hard, then with a shout, plunged over the edge just as Kai came.

Kai was insensible for some time, almost as if he had blacked out. When he came to, Masa was lying behind him with his arms around him, breathing hard. Kai smiled at the feeling of those arms around him, sheltering him. There was no better feeling in the world.

Well, maybe there was. Masa was a pretty impressive lover.

"Am I still alive?" Kai wondered aloud.

Masa chuckled softly.

They lay there, boneless and replete for what seemed like eternity. Kai must have dozed off because when he opened his eyes, Masa was up, taking out a towel and his jeans.

"I'm going to soak before we go back," Masa said without looking at him.

Kai watched him walk through the trees, and turned on his back, arms folded under his head.

Going to try to wash me off of you, are you Masa? he thought. He supposed he ought to be feeling a little depressed, now that it was over, but he was surprised at himself. He wasn't sulking, and he wasn't sad. His mind was wonderfully clear, and working hard.

Damn Masa for making him promise! He scowled. What had he promised? Just this once and I'll never ask again. Okay, the first part was kind of vague, but the second part was too clear. He'd promised that he wouldn't ask again. Shit.

He sighed, then began to smile. All right, so he wouldn't ASK. He hadn't promised not to seduce, did he?

But then, Masa was such an honorable bastard, it would be really difficult to get him to renege on his plans to keep Kai at arm's length.

Maybe he should give up?

No fucking way!

He sat up, got his towel and clothes and gingerly followed Masa to the hot spring. His self-satisfied grin toned down to an acceptable but impish smile by the time he stepped into the hot water.

"Neh, Masa?" he murmured in a husky voice.

"Hm?"

"I promised, didn't I? Never to ask again?"

Masa looked at him nervously. "Hai."

"Well, I'll keep my promise. I'm a man of my word."

Masa let out a breath. "That's good, Kai."

Kai let Masa sit there for only a few minutes before adding, "However, now that I know you love me, Masa, and that you want me, I think I won't have to ask."

Masa merely looked at him, and said not a word.

The end?

"Oi, Ran-chan. Whatcha doing?"

"Oh, reading a story."

"Yeah? What kind of story? Hey, why are you blushing? Oh, it's THAT kind of story, huh?"

"Well, I suppose it's shonen ai, sort of."

"You're such a romantic, Ran-chan . . . "

"E-Enjouji, stop that! That feels nice . . . wait a minute . . . remove your hand from there this instant!"

"Must be a good story; it's got you nice and -- say, who gave you this story?"

". . . . Sagano-kun."

"Ah man! Now I'm really not in the mood! What is that ass doing, giving you a shonen ai story?"

"He wrote it. I guess he wanted to share it."

"That brother of mine probably hopes you'll feel sorry for him or something. Well, he can't have you! You're mine, and he better get that straight!"

" . . . "

"Ah, Ran-chan, why are you looking at me that way? Ranmaru, put down that cane! Ow! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Now let me read in peace, Enjouji. I like this last part."

"Ow . . . that hurt . . . "

October 8, 1997

From the author: Whew! That was a tough one. Officially my second fan fic, and my first lemon/yaoi, this took a lot of energy, but I've finally gotten to a (sort of) end. Hope you liked it!