Dante's Inferno: A Devil May Cry Yaoi Walkthrough [warning, this contains spoilers for the game]

by Donna

I honestly didn't buy Devil May Cry for any yaoi potential (such as, ok, The Bouncer) but instead for the, as one review put it, "balls-to-the-wall orgy of balletic violence". (Well, that and Dante looked really hot on the cover of PSM Magazine.)

Before continuing, let me say that DMC is a gory, dark, and thoroughly violent game. One of the strategy guides even goes so far as to say Dante's power is "dependent on the pain he gives and receives."

Kinky.

This is not an RPG world with fantastic creatures and stalwart companions. This is a game where everything is out to serve your eyeballs up as cocktail weenies and you've only unnatural resilience and a collection of ill-tempered weapons on your side. That said, it's also incredibly entertaining, gorgeously realized, and completely addictive.

It's also well-structured. Rather than deal with ill-placed save points, Devil May Cry is broken up into 23 missions, most of which are completed fairly quickly. In the spirit of DMC's game structure, I present below an... entirely different set of missions. What you do with it, well... THAT's up to you.

Let's start off with a brief look at "Dante, Son of the Legendary Dark Knight Sparda (tm)"! (really. He gets referred to as that a lot. I just usually shorten it to Dante Sparda. Fits better on a driver's license anyways). Dante is not a willowy bishounen - but with his silver hair and pale eyes, he IS gorgeous. He's broad shouldered, all compact muscle and glowering tough-guy looks. As the game progresses, though, you see snatches, intentional or not, of a young man in over his head. In a scene where an enormous boss is crashing down on him, he looks up, and for just a moment, looks terribly young and scared. I adore him. He's tough, he's sexy and he can be alternately vulnerable and bratty.

( see Fire House's sexy Dante )

At first glance, DMC doesn't appear to lend itself to any sort of yaoi-fangirl ravings. The opening with the smirking, devil-hunting PI and the mysterious dame who hires him is deliciously noir, and decidedly hetero. That is, until you get to Mallet Island (let's pretend it's French and say "Ma-lle"). The creepy goth castle and its surrounds are where the game actually takes place, and the fun, if you're in it for the slash potential, begins.

After a brief runaround in the main hall, where thankfully nothing's trying to kill you (this part serves as an introduction to some of Dante's abilities, and the game's system of purchasing power upgrades. Believe me. You'll need them), you find yourself then in a tower infested with...

...GIANT PUPPETS?

Yes. Giant puppets that attempt to make sashimi out of Dante, and will, if you're slow, ensnare him in dangling-marionette-bondage strings.

(Gamer Girl Tip: Some marionettes come equipped with shotguns rather than knives. They're dangerous, but stupid. Either take them out first, or keep some other enemies between you and them as you fight. They'll shoot their buddies just as soon as they'll shoot Dante.)

Congratulations. You've just reached...

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 1: Satan's Little Love Dolls, or "Pinocchio, is that your nose, or are you just happy to see me?"

The first time I played the game, and Dante got snagged, the part of my brain labeled You Read Way Too Much Yaoi kicked in and said "Hey. Y'know, those marionettes have really big codpieces."

^^; Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Click on the 'draw' link at Gossip99's main site, scroll down to the second devil may cyr (sic) set of thumbnails and have a gander at the third pic along. My oh my.

It's easy to imagine Dante developing a loathing of clowns, as you wade through waves of these leering wooden monstrosities on your way to...

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 2: The Big Prick, or "Stick it to me, Alastor."

Having fought your way through the baroque corridors of Castle Ardor (as it's referred to in some guidebooks) or as I did, run like a nancy-boy, you'll come to a dead-end hallway capped off by an ugly statue impaled by a Very Big Sword. Mallet Island has the world's biggest collection of ugly, H.R. Geiger-esque statuary. Get used to it.

After a moment of taunting Dante, the sword flings itself out of the statue, eager to impale something better looking. In this case, our hero. During my first play of the game, I just dropped the controller and gaped at this scene. Pinned to the floor, Dante spends several moments writhing on Alastor, hips bucking in the air.

Obviously, hurts so good. After several suggestive moments, Dante shows the cutlery who's boss, and you've just gained what will be your best friend throughout the rest of the game, next to your guns.

Later on, Dante receives another set of "Devil Arms" ... the flaming (!) gauntlets, Ifrit. His acquisition of them leaves him crucified in midair, arched and panting (see CHECK! Yaoi Mission 6 ).

Some doujinshi artists have gone and given human form to Alastor and/or Ifrit (and even Ebony and Ivory, Dante's pet handguns). Along those lines, fan favorites S.E. Night did a great job with "Lock and Load", a DMC doujin including a pair of pissy, competitive devil arms (Alastor a short, cranky bishounen, and Ifrit a big, genki, *glompy* biseinen).

(Gamer Girl Tip: spend a lot of time killing stuff before you go on to the next mission. You need to purchase a skill for Alastor called "Air Raid" that will make your life infinitely easier in the first boss battle.)

Soon, you'll find yourself in a cathedral full of sinuously undulating columns (The Church of the Unholy Tentacle!) and before long, face the game's first major boss...

... a giant lava-spewing spider/scorpion out for Yaki-Dante.

Congratulations!

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 3: My Lava Lovin Lover, or "I like my men like my coffee.. HOT! "

Like the weaponry, some have given human form to the game's major, and monstrous, bosses. The first of these is Phantom (aka The Giant Lava Spider).

One fabulous site, snake heart, has an awesome picture of human-form bosses.

Giving bosses human forms isn't actually too far out of canon. As you progress in the game (and if you're a hardcore enough gamer) you can eventually unlock Dante's father as a playable character. You catch glimpses of Sparda's true form throughout the game, but when you unlock Legendary Dark Knight mode, you get to see Sparda's sexy, if somewhat over-dressed, human form. So, it stands to reason if one demon can have a human form, why not all of them? ^-^

To top it off, Phantom and Dante have an enjoyable, peculiar, Tracy and Hepburn-esque interaction, if you imagine for a second that Spencer Tracy would enjoy turning Katherine Hepburn into a Cajun blackened dish.

After defeating Phantom (and there will be more times you face him and the other bosses.. no one goes down easy (^.^) in this game), depending on what mode you're playing through, you'll probably have to fight the Shadow.

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 4: Here, Kitty, Kitty, or "Grandma, what big pointy things you have!"

I'll be honest. I hatehatehate the Shadows. These amorphous black hairballs are colossal pains in the asses to kill.

(Gamer Girl Tip: two words - Holy Water)

But, that said, they can assume any form they want, and it usually involves impaling Dante. So, if vicious tentacle-rape is your kink, these nasty little buggers are for you! And don't worry. There'll be plenty more chances for tentacle fans! Keep reading!

As the game progresses, you meet an increasing number of creatures who are out for Dante's head. In the hands of the right imagination, any number of these are fodder for the creative slasher.

Well, maybe except for the giant larvae-spewing roaches.

That call, I leave entirely up to you, dear reader. But before you get to the giant roaches, you reach, in my opinion, one of the game's true high points.

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 5: Size Matters, or "Someday my prince will come."

You first meet Nelo Angelo, the angel with grotesquely beautiful armor and an insanely big sword, in the bedroom. There's a musty, four-poster bed, and Dante's mirror image is stepping out of the glass to confront him.

Stop right there. Enjoy the moment. Let the little lascivious ideas percolate. You know what they say about big swords.

Big scabbards. ^.~

I *love* Nelo Angelo. I love him more for the SPOILER FACT that he turns out to be Vergil, Dante's long-lost twin brother. Mmm. Twins. A fun thing to think about is in Dante's famous poem, Vergil is his guide to hell. / SPOILER . Nelo Angelo is a doujin favorite, with good reason ^o^v The picture at left comes from "Tattered" by Naomi Guren While largely Dante and Trish, it gives a nice bit of story on Dante's feeling about Nelo. "Lock and Load" and Fire House's beautiful "Sweet Stinger" also deal with Dante and the Dark Angel.

Makes me a happy woman. ^o^v

You'll face Nelo, like the other bosses, three times throughout the game, and like them, he gets progressively harder (!) with each battle. In my opinion, it's not enough. He's a good fight, and routinely mops up the floor with me.

(Gamer Girl Tip: Running low on Devil energy? When Nelo Angelo takes the fight up to the battlements, taunt him or shoot at him from the ground, making sure to dodge his blasts. He might shoot at you, but he won't come back down to mix it up)

That aside, he's a big, sexy guy in armor, who, after your first battle, picks Dante up by his hair and presses him against a wall. Another moment to savor before Nelo finds himself unable to kill Dante.

Ahh.

After the battle with Nelo, the typical pace of Things Trying To Kill You resumes.

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 6: The Hot Handjob, or "Now I really AM flaming!"

Upon your escape from Castle Ardor, an entire new world of pain opens up for Dante. Fortunately, you get a new friend to share it with. Ifrit. Like Alastor, Ifrit is entirely too enthusiastic in its greeting to Dante.

Ifrit is a pair of unwieldy dragon-headed gauntlets that enable Dante to engage in hardcore hand-to-hand combat, and since you can't use them and Alastor at the same time, it's not hard to imagine the two demon weapons don't entirely like each other.. or sharing their new Master.

To reach Ifrit, Dante has to fight his way through a horde of blood thirsty, naked lizard-men. I don't think I need to say any more on THAT topic. ^.~ But after you acquire the gauntlets, you get to appreciate just how... flexible Dante is.

(Gamer Girl Tip: Fighting with Ifrit is very different than Alastor. Ifrit is slower, but stronger. Be prepared!)

Once you've dispatched the slavering lizard-men and gotten your hands on Ifrit, you're on to meet the final member of the game's Unholy Boss Trinity.

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 7: It's E-Lec-Tric-Ity, or "Flock you and the bird you rode in on!"

Griffon, a huge, ugly and somewhat shopworn multi-headed bird, is almost universally recognized as the most genteel of DMC's bosses. This doesn't mean he's going to try any less hard to barbeque Dante, but at least he'll do it with a sense of dignity.

Taking a look back at Wolfina's gorgeous boss art, as well as S.E. Night's "Lock and Load" boss drawing at the back, Griffon usually is seen taking human form as a scholar, or at least a gentleman with a greater sense of refinement than Phantom (The difference can be seen at Devil May Club, with Griffon and Phantom.)

During their battles, Griffon actually treats Dante with a measure of respect, which makes one wonder what kind of other interactions would be possible. The other bosses leave no doubt about who's going to be on top, but with Griffon, it's ..er.. up in the air.

(Gamer Girl Tip: Ifrit, combined with Ebony and Ivory, makes an effective offense in taking out The Chicken of Doom. Don't waste your time with the heavier guns, they're too slow.)

Devil May Cry's environments take you into spooky greenhouses, decaying ghost ships, crumbling courtyards - a host of gorgeous, gothic environments filled with danger and intrigue.

You'll face Griffon (twice) and Nelo Angelo (once) again in the midst of this beautiful scenery, as well as survive more hordes of demon-spawned horrors. But no horror is so great until you return to Castle Ardor in the deepening night and face...

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 8: Something Wicked This Way Comes, or "I am the God of Hellfire, and I bring you... Tentacles?"

The Cathedral where you first faced Phantom, is where you now face Nightmare, a disgusting protoplasmic glob of ineffable nastiness from Hell's R&D Laboratories.

From a yaoi perspective, you can go both ways with Nightmare. If gelatinous, slobbery doom isn't your style, Nightmare has been given human form multiple times as a pallid, tattooed, bondage-boi. When I remarked on the striking similarity of different artists' interpretations of Nightmare's human form, fellow DMC fan girl Nora commented that since Nightmare is a formless glob, only given purpose and form by its restraints, if that's not a metaphor for BDSM, what is?

(Gamer Girl Tip: Restraints? What? You can't defeat Nightmare when it's just blobbing around. By activating the lights around the Cathedral, it forces Nightmare into a solid form. Then, like most men, its weak point is its ball. ^-^)

Prior to battling Nightmare, you'll probably have obtained a new weapon of mass carnage. Nightmare's..er.. little brother.

The Nightmare-Beta, a chibi-form of the Blob O' Doom, is a prototype bioweapon that encases Dante's arm and feeds off his life energy to fire blasts that bounce around and zap the rampaging demons. It's been noted that it looks like Dante's shoving his hand up its rearend.

Dear reader, once again, I leave that up to you.

(Gamer Girl Tip: Don't try and use Nightmare Beta to kill Nightmare. It just doesn't work. Try Alastor's Air Raid.)

In the night castle, you'll encounter brand new hordes of Things Out to Kill Dante, and significantly, Nelo Angelo one final time.

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 9: The Last Dance, or "Brother, O Brother."

In this final battle between the Nelo Angelo and Dante, Nelo is unmasked, and vanishes after the echoes of the last blows fade. For my money, I believe in the old horror movie adage "no one's dead 'till you see the body." That's why, as a good fangirl, I will continue to believe that SPOILER Vergil's not dead. /SPOILER.

The first time I played through the game, and listened to Dante's little flashback, two things immediately happened. I went "HA! That explains the mirror! Mundus, you bastard!" and then I sniffled. ;_; Fortunately, Dante's not one to dwell on matters when there are things out for his head, so weepy time is kept to a minimum in the game. There's plenty of good fanfic and doujin that follow up on this later.

I won't recap the rest of the monstrosities infesting the hallways out to stop Dante, except for one...

The Nobodies.

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 10: All the better to grab you with, or "You ain't somebody till nobody beats the crap out of you."

These three-armed, gibbering Frankensteins scare the bejeezies out of me, but I include them because, even though I haven't seen it pop up anywhere, I guarantee that someone will think they're slashable. ^.~

(Gamer Girl Tip: Ifrit's Inferno, Kills Creeps Dead.)

After Dante's cleaned house at Castle Ardor, he finds the stairway to hell, and to the nastiest environment you will encounter in the game, the very bowels of hell.

And I don't mean bowels metaphorically.

CHECK! Yaoi Mission 11: Tentacle Redux, or "I thought only good bacteria lived in the large intestine."

It's nasty. It's gross. But, in addition to more masses of angry monsters, the bowels of hell are also filled with undulating tentacles that love to latch on to Dante. Use your imagination. ^.~

A number of things happen in the stinking armpit of hell. The truth about Trish is revealed. Dante proceeds to make a very... melodramatic speech. And you face the mastermind behind all the events of the last two decades of Dante's life leading up to this moment.

Mundus.

(Gamer Girl Tip: This is a total cheat, but make sure you have plenty of Holy Water and an Untouchable before going toe to toe with the Devil King. During the second stage of the Final Battle, the Holy Water will knock out all his spheres for a moment, recharging Dante's devil triggers and causing a bit of damage. If things look really bad, Untouchable will render Dante briefly invulnerable.)

CHECK! Final Thoughts

I haven't run across anything about Mundus x Dante online, but it wouldn't suprise me. The Big Devil Kahuna himself has a potent hate-on for the mongrel son of his worst enemy ever. What would surprise me even less would be Mundus x Sparda... as you get the impression that the two demons were.. close... before Sparda turned on Mundus to protect the Human World.

There is a wealth of Dante x Trish fic and art out there, especially in English. I'll give you one major reason why it's a little weird. Trish is SPOILER essentially a clone of Dante's mother. /SPOILER.

But, all ends well, and Trish and Dante seem to be able to look forward towards a successful career in demon-killing. Happily ever after? But DMC2 is supposed to come out this winter... so... who knows?

For a start on English DMC fanfics, take a look at fanfiction.net, kodoku.org, or PLUG j-heaven.tripod.com /PLUG.

Many thanks goes to Nora (who graciously loaned me her copy of "Lock and Load"), Shana (who shares my passion for Vergil x Dante) and Juza Sukegawa-san of Fire House (who is really cool). Anyone who plays DMC and has questions, feel free to email me at [email protected]. The sites listed in the article, and many others, are all able to be found on the Japanese Devil May Cry webring. Visit their sites, but don't steal the artwork. That's not cool. Opinions listed herein are my own and in no way associated with CAPCOM, or Aestheticism and no copyright infrigement is intended in any way.